Can the Giro surpass the Tour?

Of course the Giro can surpass the Tour! With all the propaganda the Tour puts out on all the lucrative aristocratic voyeurism on the doping scandals, A.S.O seems to have their heads in the wrong place, exploiting the stories and lives of these athletes, while forcing themselves into contention. I just don’t see where they have the gall to pull off such acts. The Giro will overcome and surpass the masses insuring pure dominancy while still maintaining a high level of elegance and class whilst taking the cycling hierarchy to a whole new level of pundancy*.

Actually I don’t even know, or care, if The Giro can surpass The Tour. It’s not much I care to think about. What’s on my mind this week is that in February, we lose our beloved service writer Joe. It would be a sad day for me, we have grown quit fond of each other, but since he will be exiting out of our humble shop to pursue a long time dream of his, I am ecstatic! We are all pretty excited for him actually. And dare I say, proud? I do dare. I do.

Joe will be leaving the “normal” day to day grind to live life on the road chasing the U.S. Cross Country circuit from state to state, living, eating and training out of his piece of crap station wagon. For 6. Straight. Months. That’s pretty amazing I’ll say!

So who will fill his shoes you may ask? Though I do love talking to you guys, in a most awkward fashion, it will not be I. The guys here seem to think I can’t multitask on such a high level, and rightly so of them to think this, so they have not extended the six figure raise in my direction. But it’s been my plan for oh so long to hang low, lurking in the shadows of those in higher powers, letting them take all the glory for my hard work. Actually it’s hiding in the shadows as they fix my clerical errors.

They did offer it to Herman though but he “politely” declined. “My work is best back here. Working proudly, side by side with Jamers. Fixing all that is wrong and wronging all that is right!” he said poetically as he threw a fresh pot of coffee in the faces of upper management! At least that is how I remembered it.

Actually, we both love helping people out and giving them the best possible advice for their unique and personal dilemma. But since we are both in debt, paying the Snap-On Man with our souls and first born, we could not justify a life up front with out our tools and proper work stations. Plus we take pride in what we do back here in the confines of our work shop.

But nothing warms my highly rhythmic heart more than somebody taking risks and chances to do what they love most and live the life the best they know how. Which is what Joey is doing. Stretching his dirty little wings and embarking on an unforgettable journey into the world of racing. The best way he knows how.

God speed Sir mighty Joseph.

Jamers!

*Editor’s Note: Pretty sure that is not a word but Jamers pushed the whole “artistic vision” and “creative control” upon us….

Let's get Digital

Garmin Vector Pedals

Let’s get digital. Digital. Let’s get digital. Diiiigital….

Everything on bikes is going all Edison on us. Or Tesla depending on the kind of conspiracy theorist you are. Last year Shimano introduced to us the Ultegra 11 speed Di2 and now SRAM has an Electronic group in the works. We have electronics in wheels, cranks, shifters, clothes and now…. Pedals!!! I know, I know, I have no room to talk. After all I am the one that gave the world the Di2 BS. Electronic shifting in your saddle. You are welcome.

But for $1,699.99, you too can have a set of pedals that tell you what we already know, your left leg is much weaker than your right. But not before spending at least an hour connecting, syncing and updating everything on the bike that can be synced, updated and connected to.

I’m well versed in tri-bike maintenance and building and I get a lot of heat for it here at the shop. “Those aren’t even bikes anymore” someone will yell out from the bathroom. The funny thing is though, TT bikes or closer to traditional bikes than mountain bikes, and we all know how SG loves some mountain bikes. Mountain bikes have hydraulic brakes, suspension parts, and linkages and soon there will be electronic shifting. Officially. Not the K-Edge mod.

Sort of seems the only bikes that are traditional may be those silly hipster kids and their new-fangled gearless bikes with their lack of brakes and gears. Now if only they would do away with the lights and affix kerosene lanterns to the fronts like they did in the hay day. Then they would be truly old school and tra-dish.

But now, I’m not just a bicycle mechanic, I am also a bicycle electrician and programmer. I now have to read lines and lines of code, tracing wires back and forth and in circles, all whilst trying not to let all the smoke out of your Garmin units.  I hear the smoke is imported from Eddy Merckx ass high above the Swiss Alps.

But still, with all these R&D studies and wind tunnel testing, integration of man, bear and pig and machine and electrons and hydro-pneumatic shenanigans, I am left asking myself, and Herman, this question day in and year out. “Why am I still using zip ties on this $12,000 bike?”

Wrap that around your head Sheldon Brown.

Yours Truly,

Jamers!

The New Year use to be the old year

 

So now begins a new year. No. Actually the first began the New Year. But I had slept through it. And the second and third. And no. I wasn’t hung over like most of the rest of the world, I had just eaten myself into a sweaty sleep induced coma the world has never seen.

You see, when I get upset I eat. I inhale literally everything insight like that little pink puff thing from that game we use to all play on the Nintendo Cube? It was pink. The inhaler was pink. The actual console was purple. And square. But the little puff thing was pink. And round….

Uuuhh… Anyways. I was doing some research and enjoying a nice glass of Brandy, the liquor not the pop singer, when I stumbled upon some videos. You may know them as “Ask a Mechanic” but since I don’t wanna call anyone out and name names, I’ll just refer to them as Arts Cyclery.

I usually try to avoid watching these types of videos while drinking due to the way they make the alcohol react to my internals. When my brain receives inaccurate and false information in large doses, my body absorbs the alcohol at a high rate of speed which then turns me into a know it all arrogant pompous douche bag.

I’m all about teaching people things and having people try things on their own, experimenting and breaking things, it’s how I make my money, but I think it needs to be done with class, swagger with just a bit of accurate info sprinkled in for taste. There are kids on the internet, and a kids mind in its developmental stage is not something to be screwing around with. We can’t just be filling their head with false hopes and ideas on how one should be greasing and torqueing stem and saddle post bolts.

It’s just blasphemy!

 

And this is how I ended up in my coma. I gotten myself so worked up on these videos that I went out and bought a feast of frozen food in which my lady and I would devour. She was obviously the stronger of us, physically and emotionally, eating me into the ground. And by ground I mean hospital.

The lesson to be learned here you ask? Don’t try to out eat a woman hockey player with a crappy Canadian accent. Happy New Years and don’t forget that January is half off labor month. So get your over weight bike into us for service.

Jamers!